READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
