I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
