Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
