i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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