What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am mentally ready for anal.
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