hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
