dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
