Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
