2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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