At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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