Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
