[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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