I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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