Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
