i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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