Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
