Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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