Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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