im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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