I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
