You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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