I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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