I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So much Jack, so little girl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
