The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
