Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
