Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
