420 ftw
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
