I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
