Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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