I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
