apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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