bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
