Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
