Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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