im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had sex on a roof
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
