Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
