So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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