Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
