i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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