you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
