yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
