I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
