so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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