Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
