Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
