I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
