last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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