I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sober January is a disaster.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
