And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
