I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
