i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
