he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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