i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
