Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
