Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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