it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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