we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
