Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
