Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
