I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
