You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
