Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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