we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
