Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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