What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
