Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
