a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
