you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
