the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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