woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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