You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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