We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
