I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
