the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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