i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He has the fingertips of a God
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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