You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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