If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
