foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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