i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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