I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
