i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
