So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
